it's never too late...
When I was 29 I left my big kids dad because I didn’t realise that I was suffering post natal depression and I was sad because he was always working & we hardly ever saw him.
In the end I’d tried to fill up my days by taking up extra-mural writing papers (bio, auto-bio & poetry) with Massey University, but of course, (as writing is designed to do), it caused me to deep-dive into my emotions, until my sadness and loneliness consumed me.
Sometime during my sadness I connected with on of my old school friends. He was my skinny, white, geeky guy-friend, who I used to push out the prefab window for laughs. (oops)
He came over for a BBQ with his daughter & some of my friends so we could catch up on old times. And that’s ALL.
I remember when he drove up my driveway, wearing a crisp long sleeved work shirt to a weekend BBQ and I said to my friend who was there “STILL a geek!”
I never ‘liked’ him like he liked me, but from the moment he arrived I couldn’t get rid of him. (I later found out that this is called narcissistic ‘love bombing’)
He eventually trapped me, by tricking me to let him move in to my sleep-out. Once he was in he started taking full control – forcing me to trespass my big kids dad and not allowing me the chance to work things out with him.
He was my first experience of narcissism and was one of the highest order.
And as soon as he had his claws in, he narcissistically tortured me in every way you can imagine.
I remember walking down the aisle (after having already cancelled one wedding on him previously – but finally giving in to his pressures for marriage) and feeling…completely numb.
I was emotionally beaten down & believed what he said about me – that I was useless, worthless and no one else would want me.
He ‘pretend’ cried as I was walking towards him and I remember cringing & wishing I would wake up from the nightmare.
But it didn’t end and the nightmare carried on for a torturous 9 years and 2 kids later (beginning to end). And during one of the very many times we were broken up during the marriage (while I was pregnant and alone) I completed a makeup artistry diploma.
8 years later I still regard those years as the most horrific years of my life. But, ironically, they were also the years that caused me to realise that I was made for more.
When the ‘marriage nightmare’ was finally over I was 38, had not a dollar to my name, had 4 children (2 back-to-back babies), $30-$50 per week for food & 1 makeup artistry diploma…
But, I ALSO had SO much determination that I wouldn’t let my ex get the satisfaction of watching me crash and burn.
So, here is what my last decade has looked like, for anyone who feels as though they are too old or ‘broken’ to do something with their life….
Aged 35 I started a makeup diploma at night school, while pregnant and alone
Aged 36 I had my 3rd child, then stupidly got back with the husband for a small amount of time & pro-created number 4 & 5
Aged 38 – had number 4 baby after a miscarriage in between the two.
Aged 39 – studied a free business course at Te Wananga, to try and actually make something of my makeup business.
Aged 39.5 – I opened our group ‘Thirty Plus and Fabulous’, with a massive passion for helping and encouraging women (giving them the support that I wished I’d had)
Aged 41.5 I joined Nutrimetics because I fell in love with the product and it felt like a good fit for my skill set and passion for helping women
Aged 42 I became an executive manager in my business
Aged 42-44 I earned 5-star travel to various countries, including Croatia (where I did a TERRIFYING bungy jump!
Vietnam, where one side was like a slum and the other was like living in a palace.
It was AMAZING!
Dubai – where we spent half the time lazing around the luxury resorts (you’ll never see wealth like they have in Dubai!) & the other half visiting the desert, luxury malls and markets (where the men called me Lady Gaga! haha)
I won executive level business awards
3 x 1st place
1 x 2nd place
1 x 3rd place
I also achieved a 5-star trip to Bali and one to Hayman Island, but couldn’t go because…Covid (ugh!)
Never in a MILLION years though would I have EVER imagined going from broke and broken single Mum of four, to travelling 5-star!
But I have seriously worked by BUTT off for this!
Aged 45 became a certified online business coach – which cost me $5000! for the privilege!
In August I’ll be 46 and am currently in the process of developing some resources to help women in the 30+ age group navigate different complexities of life (I have A LOT of experience!)
At 35 I remember sitting on my bed, tears streaming down my face and looking at my wrists, wanting to end the immense pain and sadness. It was only the thought of my kids having no mum that stopped me.
A decade later I’m living my total passion – encouraging women to be the best version of themselves – while being able to also make use of the diploma that was the first step on my road to independence.
Is my life perfect?
I have my business ups-and-downs and life is still a constant juggling act as a mum of 4.
But I never give up and Im ALWAYS working towards my dream of being a one-stop-shop for all things pertaining to navigating life as a 30plus woman and serving people as well as I can during the journey <3
My family has always come before my business though, and so even though Im not quite where I would ‘like’ to be yet… I’m happy to say that it’s because I chose my family first <3
I just felt like writing this for all of the woman out there who feel ‘stuck’ in their lives.
The ones who didn’t get life served on a silver platter.
The one’s who right now cant even IMAGINE how they’re going to make it through the day, let alone achieve anything extra.
I just want you to know that there is hope.
No matter what your age, circumstances or physical condition.
And if ‘making it through’ the day is all that you can achieve right now, just know that the fact that you have breath in your lungs and are reading this today means you have PURPOSE.
You are important… and you are ENOUGH just the way you are!
And if one day you decide that you want to achieve other things in your life, just know that it’s never too late to start, you’re never too old to do something new and you’re never too broken to give it a go.
And I am forever your biggest cheerleader, no matter what you decide.